(Disclaimer- Love it when chrome loses memory after typing out an hour and a half of work- Remember folks: SAVE YOUR WORK at all times)
This entire experience has been a great combination of intriguing and confusing.
When Staci showed up and presented us with A list of empathic speech principles, I tilted my head in a bit of confusion at first.
Though, as we went down the list of do's and don'ts, it became clearer and more understandable. The key is thinking before taking action (speaking) and allowing yourself to actually listen to another individual you are having a conversation with. Which is hard to do honestly, but a little thoughtfulness, goes a long way into putting the list into practice.
Looking into the T-Group rules in pursuit of positive communication, it echoed those rules while stating various explanations about conversation and effective communication. The biggest take away from this part of our discussion over these two lists is that taking a risk by exposing yourself is required for effective communication. Also, when listening or starting a conversation, we shouldn't already have a planned response in waiting. Communicating in response is reactive not proactive.
Our first reading was about Performative Utterances... I'll be honest here. I didn't see the complete picture as to what I was reading. I tend to speed read, especially when there are no breaks in texts like with this 11 paged biblical passage of a reading. It was written in 1979 so the lingo is super dated and hard to follow when certain jokes pop up and I just asked myself about the relevancy of any of it and why I should care.
Moving eyes lead to wandering minds, I got bored allot here and there. It wasn't exactly mind boggling as it was mind numbing to read.
However a few things about the reading did stick. Phrases involving actions have lost value. From stating that you could die from embarrassment to being so hungry that you could eat a horse... none of those things are planned actions (probably), but the meaning behind the words and the value of the statements portray fall to the floor. I'm probably wrong here but as far as examples int he reading went, it all felt kind of novel. It just felt... unnecessary. Sure there were a few chuckles but because of the length of the text and the lack of any breaks in between any of it, only the cheesy odd outdated phrases stick out.
Anything of actual substance in the reading just faded away in my memory. Sure I could read it again to give a proper assessment about it for this blog, but This is about my experience in the moment that I had already read it. I am sure that I can recall some kind of meaningful content in there but I got so much more understanding form the conversations we were having in class compared to reading the text.
The Gertrude Stein, readings on the other hand were a new kind of confusing for me. Composition as Explanation was the theme but If there was one thing that really stuck to my brain it's this
-"Composition is not there, it is going to be there and we are here."
This phrase is repeated a few times in the reading and it only makes sense if you combine it with the other phrases that she also repeats constantly in the text. Then when you piece it all together, it clicks and you realize that Gertrude Stein is a poet.
An amazing poet and you shouldn't over think the readings at all. I swear my eye was twitching as I read every sentence of this beautifully convoluted kaleidoscope of an explanation about the use of composition as explanation. It's interestingly intricate with how the phrases flow and her use of repetition only strengthens my minds desire to disregard the context of the readings and appreciate the words in relation to each other instead.
The only thing I learned from that reading is that, life is confusing. When you think you're confused you were actually not confused enough. Then, when you realize that, you can safely say that you are no longer confused.
I however, was, am and always (probably) will be confused. If you need proof, please look at my work regarding the readings.
I am one of those people who actually don't take enough time to properly read assignment sheets, so the subject matter focused too much on the readings at first. I was supposed to be critiquing conventions and thinking about visible examples about language and the like. Instead I didn't read anything from the project sheets explanations. I'm actually reading it right now and it makes mountains of sense as to what I should have focused on... hell, I should have just read that after reading the texts and then the texts would have made more sense. This is all hindsight though, so on with the show!!
Composition (here, there, everywhere and when)
Focusing on Gertrude Steins Composition as Explanation readings, I sat there thinking about composition and wondering how I could go about expressing the meaning behind what I read onto paper. Though I didn't actually have any paper and instead decided to work on foam core I had at home. Because of the waxy nature of the surface I decided to create my work in un-smudge-able pen.... probably dictated the lack of commitment I had behind making the marks on the surface do to mistakes being kind of permanent. Regardless of that I decided to focus on the phrase that stood out the most to me and turn it into a sort of interactive "composition". I wanted the viewer to have their eyes follow the words to find the composition only for them to realize that there is no composition there and that the act of their eyes flowing and following is the actual composition since they are the ones composing the composition by viewing it. Honestly I am confusing myself as I write this, when I recall Gertrude Steins "poem". When I showed this to Staci and Leslie, I wasn't surprised when they couldn't see the reasoning behind my work since I obviously didn't actually follow the guides of the assignment and goofed that up. Though their critique did help me think of what to focus on next time for the next works. A good kick in the pants is what I need most times and I really appreciated the conversation. I was confused about my confusion at first but now I am only just confused.
- Too long and found it difficult to read and understand? Here's a summary:
the idea was to have people interact with the image through eye movement, echoing back to the idea from the reading that everyone is composing a composition by being alive and living. So the composition isn't actually finished but it will be finished when the viewer who is viewing the piece finishes it by looking at and reading it.
Group Activity Time
A nice break into the weekly discussion happened in the next class. Staci and Leslie announced that it would unfortunately be the last day that Staci was going to be working with us. However she decided that we would spend this day doing group exercises. We had an odd number of people so Conrad got to join our class for the activity. We would take 10 minutes a person to basically tell them what we wanted to do. It was a good time to get silly or get things off ones chest and vent a little. I was paired with Emily.
The Psychiatrist will see you now
Since I am older I went first. I shared some personal doubts and anxieties after I shared some simple things that I would like to do and things I should be doing or things that I've always wanted to do. Then I ranted about my dumb lapse in education at Flagler (you're familiar with that Leslie) and continued to do things like that until it was her turn to speak. The entire time, she was attentive and understanding so it was a nice therapeutic way to get things off my chest that I normally never talk about. On her turn she shared some actually similar experiences to what I was venting about and she was pretty open about sharing other more personal facts and thoughts too. I'm sure everyone found the activity refreshing or at least worthwhile. It was honestly really a nice way to interact with classmates you normally just say hello to and learn with. Personal stuff usually ends up left at the entrance of the building and people focus on school stuff so it was nice to know that everyone felt safe enough to share these things. I'm sure there are some things people didn't share. I for one didn't share a few things that I haven't even told my family yet...so there's that.
Wacky Waving Flailing Arms Inflatable Tube Balloon Man
The Next Half of the group activity was where things got crazy fun. We were told to take turns as one person does whatever they want around the room and the other watches their partner. Emily went first and at first it looked like she was a bit lost as to what to do, but eventually she just calmly sat on every single chair (that was vacant) in the classroom. It was like watching the loneliest game of musical chairs honestly. She then decided to sit in the wheeled chairs and roll around backwards a few times. I'll be honest here and I'm sure others felt the same way, but the room was so busy with activities; it made it hard to focus on just your partner. Kobe in particular started creating a marionette out of the classroom skeleton model using the low hanging rafters and a ball of yarn... it was sooo distracting and funny to watch. Shortly after, it was the other groups time to shine. I went straight into the closet to dig around for something to use. That in turn became what I wanted to do at the time. I never really go in there often and was curious to see what other things could be in there. There was tons of things in there (not really that much but still allot). I dug in there for way too long though in my opinion. Though I finally exited and carried around an umbrella. I decided to put to the test whether or not the old superstition of opening an umbrella indoors was bad luck or not. However I really was distracted by whatever our professor Leslie was doing up that ladder in the rafters. Makeda then freaked out while laying down on the wooden ottoman thing and that also caught my attention . I handed my bad luck umbrella to Noah and then that half of the activity was over.
Bird Houses
The Next and last activity was also fun in its own way. We were told to build our partner a nest out of anything in the classroom. We needed to remember their tastes and keep their comfort (or discomfort) in mind as we create it. Needless to say everyone made a mad dash for objects around the room. The closet got ransacked. Totally looted. I went in there next to last and picked up the scraps left at the dinner table. I decided to flip over that weird bench thing in the class, the one that looks like three two by fours docked together. and then I put a pair of shoes along with one of my bags, some blankets, a deflated blue plastic pool ring and a thin pillow under neat. I then covered that with another blanket and grabbed a picnic cloth wrapped around the exterior of the bench thing . Placed a couple of brooms on each side with some wheat husk thingies for added prickly discomfort. Emily Made my nest a sort of desk complete with a few books and a vase with some nice flowers on it and a blue army man action figure while laying a blanket on the floor beside it with something underneath it. It was a neat nest. Everyone around the room made some really great nests for their partners. There were a few forts in there and It was fun to remember doing this kind of thing as a kid. We were then told to talk to one another about a similar subject to the first half of the group activity. I went first again and shared some of my personal shortcomings ( like never being on time by exactly one minute for work) and a few rants about my previous education at a falsely accl aimed accredited private college. Any-who, Emily went after that and shared some more about herself as well. It was nice to talk and listen to one another and again, i'm sure the class enjoyed the time we spent with Staci these few weeks.
Really it was a great experience and I honestly am sad that we couldn't do more since it just felt like we were just barely grazing the subject of what she wanted to share with us. After some fond farewells and see you next times, and a lovely group photo outside the building, Staci took her leave to attend to a different venture.
So after that I went back to creating the other two works... I decided to focus more on myself and used these two next pieces as a form of self reflection. Things I say way too often or said way too often became the overlaying theme.
Retail Repetition
I am sure everyone knows about the stigma of a retail worker life. I skipped out on continuing classes at flagler for four whole years to make money to go back working at Target. Greetings are a nice way to let people know that you acknowledge them and appreciate their being where ever they are. As a retail worker we're expected to great every guest (customer) who enters a two to fifteen foot radius of our person. Eventually you see the usual customer who's on to the lingo and says that we only want their money and don't actually care (which is kind of true). So for this piece I decided to focus on the idea of greetings and how many ways one can say hello, and also a few translated ways to say hello in other languages. This was in the pursuit of expressing of the shallowness of the word in a bitter retail worker king of way. The entire piece creates a big HI in the center as if the theme couldn't have been more apparent. However it is faded out to emphasize the emptiness of the expression in the context of my composition.
Catchphrase
Now I decided to focus even more on myself when I created this one. Back in the good old days when the world was young and life was simple my mother would yell at me for uttering a single word.
"MAYBE"
I used that word far too often and it sort of became my catchphrase to the point of frustration for mom. So I sort of grew out of using the term and my new catchphrase became sorry for a while, but honestly I miss maybe... maybe?
Anyway, I decided to make it as muddled as possible to emphasize the idea of MAYBE. It's a wishy-washy word that is neutral and expresses a level of uncertainty and can create confusion in a conversation when it is uttered. So I painted every color I could to express indecision on a level of a lack of commitment to a single ideal or choice of color. Then I dipped my brush in white paint and painted out the word Maybe. Then I painted it out in different orientations on the page, further expressing the idea that maybe I should paint it here, or maybe here or like this or like that. Should it be hard to see? Yes! Since maybe isn't a word with substance, I went with making it vague enough for the viewer to even think "does this say Maybe?" Maybe it doesn't Maybe it doesn't. I'll never tell!! (It does)
To close, I really actually did enjoy the time spent in class since the interaction with everyone has been wonderful and everyone expressing their thoughts about everything they experienced in the readings was thought provoking. I'm still a bit confused but I'll just have to read the readings a bit mroe attentively...at least the performative utterances one.... Gertrude Steins Poem was a bit too next level for me.